Tipping is Bullshit

You know it, I know it, baby jesus knows it, even god damn Mr. Pink knows that tipping is utter fuck.

 
If you were to leave money at an establishment in Japan, the waiter or waitress who discovered it would be severely inconvenienced.  They would quite literally chase after you in a desperate attempt to return the money you mistakingly left on the table.  Money that is surely the only thing keeping your grandmother from being shipped off to the fearsome wasabi mines.  How could a starving serviceperson possibly do such a thing, you ask?  Simple: Their employer actually fucking pays them enough and charges more for the food to make up the losses.  It’s _THAT_  _FUCKING_  _SIMPLE_.

For fuck’s sake, I’m a patron of your business, good service is required without question.  If it’s really bad, I’ll complain to the manager.  If it continues to be bad, I will cease being your patron.  If it ends up being exceptionally good, as in “oh my god, this waiter/waitress hooked me up, I want to give my server some extra cash” good, then sure, I’ll throw some coin their way, and ONLY their way.  None of that splitting with the whole staff clusterfuckery, no subsidizing.  I am NOT responsible for your financial system.  You want me to be your goddamn accountant after every fucking meal?  No.  Add the 20% or whatever the tip bullshit is to your prices and pay your staff properly.  Most countries have a more reasonable system in place, but for whatever reason the U.S. has decided that going retarded is going good.  Hell, I’d stop tipping to fight the system, but then some idiot will just spit in my food instead of growing a pair and taking the blame to the source; their employer.  Better yet, the employers should stop being such giant assholes and upgrade their business model to that of the rest of the first world.

Additionally, paying for shit at restaurants sucks.  Hard.  Every time I have to deal with the check and divide up cash, use a card because someone doesn’t have cash, etc. etc. instead of just waving my RFID-enabled cellphone/wallet/hand over a part of the table, I die a little inside.

In closing, Ho Yu made the point of racially stereotyping black people as cheap.  Unfortunately, this opens her up to racial stereotyping (by me) and I view reduced tipping as just a small step toward balancing out her stereotyped socioeconomic debt.  By that I mean the dozens of traffic accidents she has knowingly or unknowingly caused annually due to being both potently asian and female.  I don’t know of any accidents off hand, but color and gender don’t lie, right everyone?